Saturday, March 7, 2015
This week has brought some thoughts that I just need to get out there. I opened up my Google calendar the other day and was reminded of an event that was supposed to be happening this coming Saturday, March 14, 2015. The event read "Brittney's Wedding." Nope, not a different Brittney in my life, but yes, me. It was supposed to be MY wedding day. This last year I dated a guy for about 6 months. Our relationship progressed very quickly and we decided that we were going to get married. He asked my dad for his permission to marry me, the works. We decided to get married over his Spring Break and begin a beautiful life together, which of course we had planned out in great detail (cuz that's what you do when you're in love and you want to spend the rest of eternity with someone, right?). Things didn't pan out that way. It seemed like everything I thought was going to happen started crumbling right before my eyes. I started questioning a lot of things that were happening and if this relationship was really what I wanted. But I had made a commitment and nothing was going to keep me from trying everything in my power to make it work. As I look back on everything now I am amazed at how much we are willing to put up with sometimes, and how much hurt we go through because we love someone so much. Being able to be patient, understanding, and supportive through trying times is a blessing in relationships and should most definitely be a best practice, but there also has to be a line. Now, there are a lot of things that I believe contributed to this relationship falling apart, but what I want to focus on are the blessings I have received because of this experience. Ending this relationship was quite possibly one of the most trying emotional experiences of my life. I mean, I had planned on being with him forever. This was supposed to be my happy ending. My "and they lived happily ever after." BUT, the Lord has truly opened my eyes and helped me to see His guiding hand in my life. He has been there the whole time. This relationship helped me in many ways: 1. I learned that I could be loved despite any physical flaw I see in myself. 2. I learned that someone could truly think I was beautiful. 3. I learned that it's ok for me to have a hard day and that the person I love won't run away from my "crazy." 4. I learned that it's ok to have realistic expectations. 5. I learned that it's ok to voice my opinion even if it might cause a disagreement, because working things out is what you're supposed to do. 6. I learned that my voice matters. 7. I learned that I need someone in my life who wants to have an adventure in life together. 8. I learned that I want someone in my life who is going to be a cheerleader and support in all that I do. 9. I learned that I don't have to always make excuses for people, they have to own their mistakes. 10. I learned that words are very powerful and that you should never say something you don't mean or that you intend to do nothing about. 11. I learned that actions speak louder than words. 12. I learned that my family knows me very well and I should listen even when it's hard. 13. I learned that I love surprises. 14. I learned that I am very content with simple pleasures and quality time. 15. I learned that a kiss can say a thousand words. 16. I learned that a hug, even during a disagreement, can bring peace and calm to a situation. 17. I learned that I appreciate a man who puts God first and tries his hardest to fulfill his callings. 18. I learned that I appreciate gentility. 19. I learned that I love being with someone who is sociable and good at making conversation. 20. I learned that I want someone who is willing to be there for others and goes out of their way to serve. 21. I learned that it's ok to hurt. It means that your feelings are real and true. 22. I learned that God has a plan for me. 23. I learned that my patriarchal blessing is a guide by which I need to live my life. 24. I learned that I can do hard things. 25. I learned that I am ok. I am not perfect, but I have worth, and I need to start living life accordingly. Kinda personal, I know, but there it is...raw, and out there for the world to see. I am SO incredibly grateful for this experience in my life. It's amazing the lessons we learn. The Lord knows what He's doing, and I'll tell you something even more fascinating...He has changed me. I have felt His spirit guiding me to become someone who I never thought I could be. I have plans, I'm following through on them. I know what I want in my future and I know what I need to do to get there. Life is good. Life is exciting. Life is a blessing and I am going to continue to live it, BETTER than I ever have before.