The Growth From Trials

Wow! Talk about things hitting all at once. I'm sure everyone knows what that feels like! Things are going better than you could have possibly hoped and then....BAM! Kinda knocks your socks off! Well anyway, even though I am in the midst of some really trying times right now, I can see the end and I know that everything is going to work out just the way it's supposed to.

Having that knowledge, that everything is going to work out, is comforting, but at the same time it doesn't take away the hurt and longing that comes while dealing with these trials. I think that the fear of the unknown is what gets me. I hope things will turn out a certain way, but I really don't know what to expect. That's where faith comes in. Have I fully turned this over to the Lord? Am I trying to fix this myself, or am I casting the burden onto someone else, my Savior, who is much stronger than I could possibly fathom? As I have really taken this to heart, I have been at peace. Yes, things still hurt, and emotions run high at times, but I do know that everything is going to turn out fine. There is so much beauty in the peace that the Spirit can bring into your life once you embrace it! What a sweet and unsurpassed gift! It is truly incredible that through the spirit we can feel our Savior's love so fully and completely. He is there for us, and we just have to let him in. Once we have let go of all of our hurt and yearning, and passed it on, there is going to come into our lives a greater meaning and purpose. I know this to be true, and I feel the gentle urging of the spirit guiding me in a way that I need to go to make myself more fully able to reach my greatest potential.

My Heart Is Full

At this moment my heart is very full. Over the last few weeks my thoughts, feelings, and emotions have been very close to the surface. I am very overcome with a feeling of deep and complete love for some specific people in my life. What is love? What does it really encompass? And how can you know when it has really hit you? I'm not sure that I know all those answers but there is something that I do know for sure. There is not one relationship in my life that has not changed me for good. I am a better person for having gone through and for going through the things that I have. No matter how much I have had to sacrifice, it has always been worth it in the end. I can honestly say that I would not be the person I am today without having loved. It is the deepest emotion a person can feel and I am truly grateful for the people that have come into my life and that I have had the opportunity to care for. I have learned so much. And I hope that there is no doubt that I would be willing to give anything to those that I care about. There is no sacrifice too large that would keep me from giving to them the things they need to be happy in this life.

As I was reflecting on this my mind immediately caught hold to the thought of my brother leaving on his mission. For any of those that know my brother and I, you would know how close we are to each other. Being separated is not something that I like to dwell on and I know that it is going to hit me like a ton of bricks when he finally walks through our front door for the last time on his way to the MTC. I love him so much! He has been my best friend when there was no one else I could turn to. He knows me better than I know myself. He also gives the best hugs in the whole world! How can I live without that for two years? He is my cheerleader, a listening ear, my biggest support, and my shoulder to cry on. And he always understands! Always! I'm not too silly for him, and we can be crazy with each other. He is my greatest and dearest friend, and now he is leaving. I know that the next two years are going to be hard, but I am so excited for him to have this experience! And I want to be that support to him that he has always been for me. I love him so much! Who could ask for a better friend! Someone to make me laugh (and usually uncontrollably), to lift me up when I'm down, and to always be cheering me on when there may not be anyone else there. He truly is the greatest blessing to me in my life and I am so grateful for him! There is nothing else so wonderful than to have my brother around. And I am so grateful that he has the opportunity to bless the lives of the people in Switzerland. He is a beautiful person going to one of the most beautiful places in the whole world! How fitting. And how incredibly wonderful!

The Simple Beauty of Rainfall

For the last few days there has been off and on bouts of rain. At times it's just a little sprinkle, and then other incidents have included trash cans floating down the road because the streets are flooding over with water. Today as I was coming home from work, I saw a series of dustdevils that were all really close together. Living in Arizona, it seems that these dust storms are more frequent than any other kind of storm, much to my displeasure. Then I started thinking that it would be nice to have a good thunderstorm to get rid of all the dust in the air and to make things look fresh and clean. I love that! So, right as I was having this little thought, the rain started coming down...little sprinkles at first, and then it started coming down in sheets and sheets. My windsheild wipers could barely keep up with the constant pounding of rain. I was driving slower than I normally would on a busy freeway, but it gave me some time to enjoy what was going on around me. No more dustdevils were going, that was for sure, but I wasn't particularly thinking about that. It seems that most of the time, rain is thought of as a very big inconvenience. We have to change what we wear (forget about hairdos), we have to carry around an umbrella, we have to take an extra 5 seconds to wipe off our shoes or take them off when we come in the house, we can't get home as fast as we want to because everyone else in front of us is just crawling down the road, and we don't really want to go out and do anything because we don't want to get wet or go through all the above mentioned bothersome intrusions on our time and energy. But today as I was driving home my thoughts were turned to how beautiful rain is. It makes things new and fresh. Don't you love the feeling that you get when you walk outside in the morning after it has rained and there is that smell....you know which one I'm talking about. The smell that makes you just want to breathe a little deeper and stand still for just one more second and soak it all in. That smell also does something to the inside of me. When I smell that smell, my day goes so much better. I am in a happy mood all day long, and nothing seems to get me down. I am energized, and ready for anything. It just makes me feel good...like today is going to start a new sense of determination and excitement. It's just great!

Thunderstorms are exhilarating for me too. Being in the safe comfort of my own home and listening to the rain whip on the windows, and the rolling thunder outside...being inside, you may have to turn a light on because the natural lighting from outside is a little shadowy, but it makes it so much more exciting when the lightning comes. It lights up a whole room and then the thunder can feel like it's right there, almost caving in on top of you. That is a great feeling. I love, during that kind of weather to go in my room, open a window (so I can smell that smell) and curl up on my bed with a warm blanket, lots of pillows and a good book and just enjoy the moment. So, I say that we enjoy the rain! It doesn't come all that often (well, at least in Arizona) and we need to take advantage of it when we have it! So I'm leaving for now and going to curl up with my book and enjoy the beautiful rainfall!

The Risks We Take

You know, there are so many things that we hold back in this life! I am just as guilty as the next person, but I think that I am learning the importance of taking risks. It is hard to put yourself out in the middle of nowhere and say, "Ok, here I am, come at me with all you've got!" In some ways we do that when we think the cause is worth all the pummeling.

I have learned that when I put myself on the line and I give everything I possibly can, there have been no regrets for me. I know that the cause I am fighting for is something that I want with my whole heart, and even though it may not end in the way that I would want most, it has changed my life for the better. "What doesn't kill ya makes you stronger!" I was reminded of this by a good friend recently and I have to say that when you're going through the situation at the time, it seems very futile, but now looking back on it, how true it is! I wouldn't be who I am today without having risked stepping out of my comfort zone, committing wholeheartedly to something...or someone, or simply giving of myself to both those that I love and those that I hardly know at all. In every opportunity I have had to take these risks, there have been life changing opportunities, and I wouldn't trade that for the world! No matter how hard it may be at times! It's worth the risk!